chrisclemons.com/

I work 8 hours a day and come home to a full to-do list quite frequently. It’s growing larger with the introduction of a band in my daily schedule. I want to make the most of my time and get as much done as possible. Here are some tips for better time management:

• Get rid of husbands, wives, boyfriends, and girlfriends -Simply call them up for sex whenever is convenient. Lets be honest, other than that, they aren’t really worth anything.
• Buy some Fabreeze -I hate going to the Dry Cleaners to pick up my clothes. Most of the time I get there late and they are already closed! Put that time and money elsewhere and buy some Fabreeze. “One spray, you’re on your way!”
• Keep a laptop computer in the bathroom -Utilize toilet-time as multi-tasking-workshop-time.
• Keep a laptop computer in the car -Forget those assholes that don’t like people who talk on the phone while driving. Show them your rebellious side and prepare your quarterly deliverable presentation on I75.
• Eat only one meal a day -Eating takes up too much time, especially if you eat out. Cut the habit down to once a day. Utilize your lunch hour for productivity and look great at the same time!
• Make friends with Mexicans -Although typically dirty in appearance, they’re quite gentle creatures. And, for a couple bucks you’d be surprised at what they’ll do! Does your lawn need mowing? Do you need someone to pick the kids up at daycare?
• Lastly, and the most important of all, invest in some Cocaine -Coming down is a little rough, but kickin’ back some more takes care of it! That extra ZING can keep you going for hours!